Reflections so far

I like the city of Corpus Christi for the most part. The scenery is gorgeous, the coast is unbeatable in January, the palm trees are such a joy to look at. But I'm not a big fan of much else. The downtown area is pretty small and deserted - could be because it's off-season for this beach town - and there are many parts of town that just don't seem very safe to drive through. It has some lovely stretches of gorgeous mansions and the end of town where we live has some pretty modern shopping areas. I'm finding that modern shopping areas comfort me. I'm more of a city girl than I realized.

The kids and I spend  a lot of alone time together. We don't see Michael very much at all. I miss him terribly but I know it's all for a great reason and it won't be like this forever! We've moved Carmen's bedtime to 9pm so that Michael can see her for 30mins or so when he gets home. He'll help with bath time and read her books and tuck her in bed. It's hard, I'm not trying to deny that. I've prayed a lot for patience and gentleness because there are some moments in my day where Carmen is really testing my nerves.  I miss adult interaction and the ability to go see our friends whenever we need to.

Sometimes in our gypsy lifestyle I begin to miss the little luxury of decorating your children's rooms. Carmen and Brooks won't miss it at all. But when I'm laying down on Carmen's bed at nap time and looking around the big, stark room, I feel sad that she doesn't have color on her walls. I never got to make a fun "first big girl" bed for her. No comforters and matching pillows and sheets. I'll never really have a true nursery for Brooks. I won't get to use his darling crib and bedding, his matching artwork (that'll be in his room forever though), nothing that truly screams "I have a precious little baby and here's his nursery to show for it!" I'm aware that these are superficial things in life and don't have meaning, but I do really enjoy them. I suppose it's just another small sacrifice.

I don't have a blender so I can't make the initial baby foods that I started Carmen on. Brooks is so ready to try foods but I want to make them myself. I don't really have a solution. We don't have pictures up around our house, the walls are empty. No pretty little portraits of our family. Because we want to live and travel lightly, there isn't much for me to focus on outside of the babies. I brought a book and my Bible. And we have our computer. Other than that, there are no projects to set my mind to, no crafts to make, no jobs to complete. It is mostly refreshing and freeing, but sometimes I get the bug to create something.

There's also no real place to call home. We don't have that house back in Bristow anymore to ground us. Our families are still around and have their homes, we do feel welcomed and at home there, but it's different. Being together as a family of 4 is home, but I still get that feeling once in a while like I'm floating and miss feeling gravity. It'll come, but in the day to day I'm living, I really feel it's absence.

And I just plain miss our friends. I think everyone understands that. Last month on the 30th, we were leaving town to move to Corpus and had just about finished packing our car when I had another kidney stone attack. I tried to tough it out on my own and not take meds that would affect Brooks' but I had to and then I had to get to the hospital. It was horrible and I spent the entire day there. If it wasn't for our precious Farris family in San Angelo, it would have been miserable for all. They took the babies, bought Brooks some formula and a bottle and she kept the children all day. And she is nine months pregnant and has her own 2 boys. Wonderwoman. But it made us value our family and friends even more. What if this happens again and we have nobody? It's just a hard part of this lifestyle. These are just some of my reflections so far and hopefully gives you a realistic glimpse into our reality. More to come....